Watch What Happens When Scott Baio Tries to Say "She Sells Seashells Down by the Sea Shore"

I know that most people who read this journal probably never get to see the journal design. That's why I wanted to point out to you some of the changes I made.

I had started a while back taking the generic Generator style of LJ and making it custom fit to my website's colors. Every so often, I tweak the colors and other stuff in the LJ page to my liking. However, I felt like there was something missing. I thought that the right accent would help the page. I went out looking for seashell line art to be used as an accent. The first line art I used just didn't do it for me. It was just too plain. So, I kept looking. I had to search hard for it, but I finally found a simple seashell drawing to put on my page. Thanks to Siara at utopiarocks.com for kindly letting me use a slightly modified version of her art for decoration. I think the result is impressive. I'm still experimenting with stuff and no doubt the journal will change again. So, if you're bored sometime, check out my journal's design and let me know what you think of it.

That Explains Why Nobody Visits Montana

Today, I dragged myself out of the comfort of my cool down comforter and my messed up hair at the ridiculously early time of 9:15. Why would I awaken at such an ungodly hour? To mow the lawn, of course!

I, like millions of young boys (err... notice the comma there), was forced to cut the grass in my house after my older brothers were working and didn't have enough time to do it, anymore. I also ran a small business on the side for cutting the lawns of neighbors and whoever wanted to give me a pittance. I never liked grass-cutting unless it met at least one of the following criterion:

1. I cut with a ride-on mower
2. I cut with a ride-behind mower (or I would cut with one of those sulkies, too)
3. I cut with headphones on (with music, preferrably)
4. I let the Robomower cut the lawn

But, times have changed... my music is now in MP3s, and my MP3 player USB cable isn't working anymore, and the only mower we have is a walk behind that was generously donated to us by a relative.

I learned through my years of acting like I know how to cut lawns while people gave me money, that you should vary your cuts every time so that the grass doesn't grow at odd angles. So, the front yard (or door yard, for the New Englanders) received the diagonal cut and the back yard got the concentric cut. About half-way through the back yard, I realized that the grass remaining in the center perfectly matched the shape of Nevada.

It was only a few logical steps later that I discovered that Nevada was actually in my back yard! Somehow, the rest of the world never realized it, but the "wide open" state is actually in a white trash neighborhood in Michigan. I didn't believe it myself, until I saw further proof. I looked where Las Vegas should be and I saw a bustling anthill. The ants had rigged up a complicated light fountain that was really amazing. I believe I saw several with Spock ears, but I can't be sure. I marched up north a bit looking for Reno and, sure enough, there it was... a sizable hole in the ground.

Still living in disbelief, I had to prove one more thing. Directly to the southwest of Nevada was our neigborhood's runoff. Who knew southern California would be here, too?

If There's a Line, He'll Cross It

There's this guy at work, Mike-- which doesn't matter because there's like 10 Mikes around my area-- he does the most annoying thing... every day he's at work. There's a guy in the cube behind me whose last name is Parent. Whenever Mike walks past this guy's cube, and if he's in there, Mike will say, "Meet the parent." EVERY day, at least once a day, in the exact same tone, with the exact same inflection, and nobody thinks it's funny. In fact, it's gotten downright annoying. Why in the world would you lower yourself to a bad half-joke every day of your working life? Maybe he's senile. I know he's already cross eyed.

He also makes a point to ask me, "How's married life?" whenever we make awkward, cross eye contact. Also the exact same way every time. It takes everything in me to keep from beating the crap out of him after 7 months of putting up with it. I don't know how the guy he says it to deals with it. I would have ripped his eyes out (no cross-eyed joke intended).

Recycling for Fun and Profit

[as Quentin Tarantino for no apparent reason]

So, I live in Michigan, now, ok? and Michigan has this Bottle Deposit Law, ok? so, I pay 10 cents for every bottle or can I buy, right? so, I take my bottles and cans back to the store, right? and I put the cans in this recycle machine, ok? and it prints out this receipt, right? and I can take the receipt to the cashier and use it like money to pay for more food, ok? sooooo, I get this idea, right? I can get a whole bunch of bottles, right? from back home in Maryland, ok? and I can take 'em all to the store, ok? and get tons of money for all those freaking bottles, right? without having to pay the 10 cents, ok? so, I tell my family, ok? to save all of their bottles and cans, right? and to make sure that they have MI 10¢ on the side, ok? so that the bottles will be refundable, ok? so, I take these bottles there, ok? to the grocery store, right? and they won't take the bottles, right? so I ask the guy there, like, "Why isn't it taking the bottles?" right? he tells me that the store has to sell the product you are returning, or else you can't recycle it, right? so, long story short, ok? so now, I've got bags of bottles that I totally can't return!

I mean is that crazy or what? Doesn't that just blow your freakin' mind?

Bicycle Built for Who?

So, me and the wife decided to lay down some serious cash the other day for 2 Giant OCR-3s at our local Village Bike Shop the other day. We went on Saturday to look at different bikes and test ride them around for a few hours and got fitted for size. Then, we decided on those Giants. We didn't buy them until Tuesday because the shop was having a 10% off sale.

I'm kind of excited to get back into biking. Haven't ridden since I got the license. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's because I'm used to mountain bikes, but this seat that comes with the OCR-3 seriously hurts what Emily calls my ischium (I believe). I might need to get one more comfortable. I cannot ride for extended periods with that much discomfort. Maybe I'm sitting on it wrong, but something has to be done. I don't like the stirrups on the pedals, either. They're a pain to slip into.

Here's a tip: One-strap backpacks suck while riding a bike. The stupid thing kept rotating around to my front, causing me to have to jerk it around back in order to ride right. Oh, and jerking your backpack to the front causes your bike to wobble on the road. And wobbling bikes on the road cause drivers to want to not get close to you or cause your brains to end up in a wheel well.

Way to go Nike! *thumbs up*

Interest Meme

I've been looking for something similar to this meme, and I found it tonight on 's lj... With the exception of anime, Cowboy Bebop, and Star Trek, it pretty much nailed me:

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in
1. reading score: 4
2. nintendo score: 4
3. divx score: 4
4. anime score: 4
5. dvd score: 4
6. music score: 3
7. dogs score: 3
8. satire score: 3
9. beck score: 3
10. the beatles score: 3
11. cowboy bebop score: 3
12. monty python score: 3
13. deviantart score: 3
14. the simpsons score: 3
15. science fiction score: 3
16. linux score: 3
17. star trek score: 3
18. weezer score: 3
19. mp3 score: 3
20. they might be giants score: 3

Type your username here to find out what interests it suggests for you.

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Chicken-Monkey-Rooster Dirty Reuben Love

First of all, you people all really need to watch The Anchorman's music video "Afternoon Delight." I love Will Ferrell.

Secondly, I had the weirdest dream the other night. I dreamt that I was in this science lab with these two scientists. I walked in the lab as one of the scientists were forcing this monkey to have sex with a hen, while the other scientist was forcing the rooster to watch. The rooster kept trying to look away, but the scientist was forcing his head to look. It might have been the sickest of my dreams. Luckily, they were only small animals.

Anyways, I'm off to make my lunch and head to work.

Why is it that when people think something is really funny, they call it "genius," but when an actual genius says something that he thought was funny, he's the only one laughing?